No. I am not suicidal.
December 13, 2017
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December 13, 2017
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Silent nights

“You’re so lucky. You can stay up all night reading or doing whatever you like.” Any person suffering from insomnia must’ve heard this from a very ignorant person at one point in time. Many times, I laugh and nod my head. I’m tired of arguing. I’m sick of explaining the same thing to different people.
How do I explain it? Wide awake, but unable to function properly because I’m tired. I thought sleep was the remedy to tiredness, but sleep has eluded me. Insomnia is not the only bad guy here. The doctor also said I suffer from periodic limb movement during sleep. This is different from tossing and turning. It’s my body forcing me to exercise without my consent while I sleep. No wonder I wake up feeling extremely tired.
I also suffer from alpha intrusion. Let me break it down. There are five brain waves (Beta, Alpha, Theta, Delta, and Gamma). The delta wave has the lowest frequency and is dedicated to sleep. Really deep sleep. Alpha waves, on the other hand, are present when you’re in a state of relaxation. Alpha waves are in action when your imagination, concentration, and visualization are heightened.
When a normal human being sleeps, the brain should have delta waves, but mine is flooded with alpha waves. This is not even like insomnia. It is much different. Because now, I’m asleep (or so I thought). But my brain isn’t. I like to believe that my brain is just on a mission to force me to comprehend rocket science.
My doctor (The one who sneers at me and ignores my question) recommended sleep therapy and I don’t know if it is helping with the alpha intrusion. Well, I didn’t know how I felt before I had it, so I really don’t know what to expect if there’s an improvement. As regards the insomnia, he prescribed a couple of drugs and so far it’s been good. Please, there are several drugs out there and you should only take a drug because your doctor recommends it!
Off to sleep now. I hope my brain and limbs agree with me.


  1. Travel Ler Travel Ler says:

    Very true! Not being able to rest properly is very painful – I know the feeling. Stay strong, it will get better.

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